I'm Not Perfect...I'm A Parent

Praying Parent Week 1.2

2012-02-01T23:57:00.001-05:00

This is my second attempt at working and praying my way through O'Martian's Power of a Praying Parent and the study/prayer guide. The title for Week 1 is "Becoming a Praying Parent," and it really asks you to step back and take a look at the ways in which you currently pray. There are 6 sections within this chapter, which are followed by a sample prayer and Weapons of Warfare. Weapons of Warfare are verses taken from different books in the Bible that may be beneficial and apply to the areas for which you are praying. The following are the headings for each section in Week 1:

What Is Prayer and How Does it Work?
Begin With a Personalized List
God's Word as Your Weapon
A Good Example of Answered Prayer
When the Answers Don't Come
I Said "Praying," Not "Perfect"

O'Martian also asks you to keep your eyes and heart open to the scripture and to make note of anything that might apply to an area you are covering in prayer, whether for your children or any other area of your life that needs God's intervention. Sometimes we get stuck in a prayer rut and find ourselves praying the same obligatory thank yous and pleases. While it is good to always thank God for his goodness and mercy, we need to make our prayers more personal and put a little more thought into it. I believe that Aibileen from The Help must have been retroactively inspired by O'Martian's approach to writing prayer. Aibileen states that her prayers seem clearer and seem to work better when she writes them out.

You see, actually committing something to paper (or a computer document) means that you had to think about it. It means that you didn't just close your eyes and say, "God, thank you for everything you've done for me my whole life. Watch over the sick, lost, and destitute. Please wake me up in the morning. Amen." Writing your prayers down gives them importance for a few reasons: you took time to think about what you wanted to say to God, you deviated from your normal prayer routine, and you opened a conversation with God. Prayer should be more of a conversation, a give and take. You have to listen as much, or more, than you talk. I'm still working on this part.

In fact, the night after I reread Week 1 and wrote out my prayers - saying them mentally as I wrote, I had a strange occurrence. It was 1am when I finally laid down, because my son had woken up and it is difficult to hold a baby, keep him asleep, and write prayers at the same time - in other words, it took me a while! I had not even gotten to a point where I was dreaming, so I don't have a memory of any figure. It was close to 1:30, and I heard a voice say my name. Mind you this has happened many times before, but I could never identify it as male/female or tell you anything about it. This time, it was definitely male, loud to the point of being painful to my ears, and very forceful. It was one word, Amanda, and it woke me from a dead sleep. At first I thought my brother was in my bedroom trying to wake me, because it sounded like his voice. Our mother has been sick, and it scared me to think that she might possibly be more ill and needing me. Then I thought maybe he needed me for something. He is in a new relationship, and he travels frequently to spend time with his girlfriend. My heart was racing, and I was unable to go back to sleep for quite some time. I strained my ears to hear if someone was prowling around our house.

I asked my brother about it in the morning, and he said everything was fine. My mother was hospitalized that day, but the more I thought about the voice, the more I was led to one conclusion. It scared me to the point I was shaking - what if the voice was God trying to get my attention? Was God talking to me as he talked to young Samuel? Samuel thought it was Eli calling him in the middle of the night. I decided that if it was God, I would be ready should He try to gain my attention again. I am still waiting!

Here are the prayers I wrote the night I heard "The Voice." You can see the prompts for these prayers in my previous post Praying Parent Week 1.1.

10. God, you have witnessed each situation in which my anger and quick temper have been allowed to control me. I yell, and I sometimes lash out physically. Mostly I try to intimidate children I should be protecting and exposing to greater love and a much better example of controlling one's anger. Lord, I ask you to help me to be slow to anger and not to provoke my children. Show me an outlet for my anger and a way to control it rather than being controlled by it.

12. Father God, I want to be a steward to my children: A steward of peace, love, calmness, understanding, protection, and proactive rather than reactive responding. Help me to build my children up instead of tearing them down. Show me a way to find solutions rather than complaining about the problem. Guide me to be a better parent.

14. Lord, help me to use Christ as my guide. Let me walk in His Spirit rather than in the flesh and worldly things. I want to be freed from self condemnation and judgment from others.

15. God, put your whole armor on me that I may be able to withstand and disregard principalities, powers, rulers of darkness and spiritual wickedness in this world. Help me to discern between your desires for me and my children and the imposed desires of the flesh.

19. Lord, I love my children from the depths of my heart and soul, yet I know it is not enough. I need to love them with Your love, God. Only you possess a truly unconditional love. God, help me to love my children so completely that even when I err as a parent they will feel my love and it will heal them. Fill me with Your love, Lord, so I may cover my children.

Praying Parent Week 1.1

2012-02-01T12:23:00.000-05:00

I don't have the date in 2011 that I completed week 1 of O'Martian's Power of a Praying Parent the first time, but I do have my answers written down. These prayers are personal, because they cover things that I have struggled with, but I am sharing them with you in case you face the same obstacles in your life.

10. Do you feel you have ever made any mistakes as a parent? _______. If so, list what they are and what would you have done differently. Then write out a prayer asking God to redeem those situations.

Don't we all?
yelling, spanking, threatening (I should clarify I do not threaten their lives, I threaten to give spankings, time-outs, or take away toys or priveleges)

finding a calmer, thought-out approach to discipline and punishment

letting woman @ MW take daughter

telling woman they she couldn't hold her, or insisting on going with her to the office

not spending fun time with just daughter

making a weekly date with daughter

God, all these things are in my past. I ask you to help me set my sight on higher ground from this moment forward. Help me, Lord, to release my past mistakes and to learn from them so they are not repeated with my children and grandchildren. In your son's name I pray, Amen.

12. Is there anything you would like to change about yourself or your life that would alleviate the guilt you feel as a parent? _______. Explain your answer. Write a prayer asking God to help you make the changes.

Yes. I would like to be more laid back, easy going, nice, kindhearted, pleasant, helpful, loving, and a better disciplinarian-behavior manager rather than "The Punisher."
God, please affect a change in my heart. It has become hard, and I can't do it alone. I desire to be nice, loving, easy going, unflappable, and pleasant to be around. I know you said, "provoke not your children to anger," and that is difficult when I feel angry myself. Help me to release this binding anger that I may be more loving and nurturing. In Jesus' name, Amen.

14. Read Romans 8:1 and underline it in your Bible. How are we to walk in order to be free of feeling condemnation? _______. How are we not to walk? _______. Write a prayer asking God to help you walk free of condemnation.

After the spirit.
After the flesh.
Lord, it is so hard to put aside the things of the flesh to walk in the Spirit. I need your help to put my attention on You and what is good. I want to be free of condemnation - whether from myself or from You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

15. Read Ephesians 6:12-13 and underline it in your Bible. Whom are we wrestling against when we pray? _______. What are we supposed to do to withstand them? _______. Wriet out a prayer asking God to help you do that, especially with regards to your children.

Principalities, powers, rulers of the darkness of this world, spiritual wickedness in high places.
Take the whole armour of God.
Lord, help me to wear Your armor proudly that I may rise against those things I struggle with. Make me a warrior against evil for my children. In Jesus' name, Amen.

19. Read 1 Peter 4:8. What will cover the places where we miss the mark as parents? _______. Write out a prayer asking God to help you love your child with such unconditional love that it smooths all the rough places, heals all wounds, and covers your weaknesses.

Charity.
Lord, I need You to show me how to love in such a way that it won't matter so much if I mess up. Help me to love my children, and all those around me, more and better. Help me to cover my multitude of sins with love. In Christ's name I pray, Amen.

Can We Call This Sleep Training If He Doesn't Sleep?

2012-01-29T18:49:00.002-05:00

It has been a full week since we started trying to get our kids to bed at a decent hour. At this point, the kids are becoming more consistent with being ready for bed. Our days are going a little more smoothly, and I'm becoming anxious for where this might lead. Nap time is slowly returning to our house!

We have been trying to be home by about 8pm, which gives us some time each night as a foursome to unwind and do the nighttime rituals that are necessary to get us all in bed. We let the kids play for a few minutes while we get things picked up around the house, finishing with the toys in the living room. After pickup, we brush teeth (which is not an easy task) and make sure everyone has an empty bladder. There are few things less enticing than the idea of waking up drenched in someone else's urine (even if it is one of the people you love most in the world)! Sometimes our daughter protests that she just went potty at mamaw's and papaw's house, but I follow my mom's advice to always try. I'm satisfied if she can even get out a few drips. After we accomplish this feat, it is off to bed for story and song time (see previous post).

It has been amazing to see the childrens' eyes close in sweet slumber before 10pm. In fact, it has been closer to 9:30 when they nod off to sleep. Yay! This means I have the opportunity to start my me time a full hour or more earlier. I have been able to restart Stormie O'Martian's Power of a Praying Parent book and study/prayer guide. I have the plan to read this book in conjunction with 2 other of O'Martian's titles: Power of a Praying Wife, and Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage.

I have an old-school Mead spiral bound 3 subject notebook that I am keeping my answers from the study/prayer guides in. That way, they are all in one place, but I have an easy way to keep them separate for ease of use. Each book is divided into weeklong assignments for reading, reflection, and specific guided prayer. The workbook asks you some pretty tough questions about your life, expectations, motives, and actions. It also asks you to write your own prayers to cover a specific area that needs attention - past mistakes that you feel guilt over is one. I am writing my answers to the questions on one page (half for my daughter, half for my son) - front and back - and the following page is where I am writing my prayers for the week. So far I have only managed to complete the first week for Parent.

"Slacker!" You might think. "You've had more time this week than before, and you can't manage to read three chapters?" Just as I said the kids are becoming more consistent with their bedtimes, my son has not yet made the transition to sleeping through the night (generally wakes after 2 hours in bed). In fact he has been so off with his behavior since December 21, 2011 that I am going to be making an appointment with his pediatrician for this week. I have to go with my intuition on this one and say "something ain't right." I have been tracking his symptoms since he recovered from his cold. Loss of appetite, change in mood and behavior, severe irritability, change in sleep patterns, stumbling and falling frequently, bruises easily, and a few mysterious blisters on his left middle finger, left pinkie toe, and left heel. A few mornings ago he even ran into the door when he got out of bed! He has not had a fever since before his MMR vaccine a week after he recovered from the cold, but I believe strongly that he may have an inner ear infection. Regardless, I don't think it can wait until his next well-child visit in March.

To add to that, my mom was briefly hospitalized for pneumonia, and the antibiotic they prescribed and administered intravenously (avelox) can cause swollen or ruptured tendons up to 2 years after finishing the drug. She was also apparently so severely anemic that she is on a high dose of iron twice a day. She has to go back to the doctor in 2 weeks for repeat lab testing. If her results have not improved, she will be seeing a renal specialist and likely be subjected to more invasive testing to find the cause of her problems. It is a very tense and scary situation since her father had impaired renal function, non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, ALS, heart disease, aneurysms in his aorta and both legs, and eventually a stroke. We already know that she has PVCs (premature ventricular contractions) and A-Fib (atrial fibrillation) as well as a murmur. This must be genetic, because I also have A-Fib, some mild PVCs, and such a low resting heart rate that my heart actually stopped for nearly 3 seconds while I was sleeping in December 2010 (24 hour monitor followed with a diagnosis of needing a pace maker and a visit with an electrophysiologist and wearing a 28 day Holter Monitor). Now her fever won't stay down. She is also taking augmentin, so you would think that the original sinus and ear infection would be gone by now and that the pneumonia would be weakened... Needless to say, we are praying hard!

Back to my original quandary - is it sleep training if the child isn't sleeping? I can't let him cry it out when he wakes up, because there is no "out" to his crying. He will scream for more than an hour - believe me, I know firsthand! He is weaned, so there is no midnight snacking. He simply desires physical contact, and he will not settle down until he has it.

All in a Day's Work (or play)

2012-01-25T16:46:00.000-05:00

People often ask me if I work. Well, how do you define work? If you are asking if I hold down a 9-5 in an office or setting outside my home, then the answer would be no. If, however, you are asking if I work in some capacity at least 18 hours each day, my answer is yes, I work. When people find out I am a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM), the next comment is usually something slightly envious yet snarky like: Wow! You must have a lot of free time! In response to that comment, I must issue a resounding no! Freetime is not in my agenda, unless I create it (more on that later).

My days are filled with managing a household of 2 adults and 2 children. My husband is off to work by 6am each morning, while the kids and I start our day sometimes closer to 10:30. We are trying to implement a better bedtime schedule and routine to help with that! Although we don't officially get out of bed and get moving until midmorning, my day began much earlier - 5:15am to be precise.

You see, most mornings it is my responsibility to make sure my husband actually gets out of bed when the alarm goes off. Not only does he have a clock-radio alarm set for 5:15, but I also have two watch alarms and the coffee maker set for that time as well. We have a combined 4 alarms within an approximate 5 minute span, and I still have to nudge him out of bed. Once I am reasonably sure he is awake enough not to sit (or lay) down and fall asleep again, I doze. He wakes us all up with kisses and "I love you" before leaving around 6am. Again, I doze until he calls to let me know he safely made it to work - it has been fewer than 45 minutes. Some of you may question why I would want a perfectly capable adult to disturb my sleep and let me know they safely made port. You wouldn't if you could see the road he drives or knew of the many lives it has claimed. At this point, I typically have an hour of good sleep left.

On a typical morning near 8am, my son begins his ritual of tossing, turning, kicking, and screaming. Both my kids (3 1/2, 1 1/2) are co-sleepers, mind you, in a queen-sized bed, with 2 adults. It isn't easy! My daughter typically sleeps soundly, like her daddy. My son, on the other hand, inherited my light sleeping. He is also a screamer. We have dealt with night terrors as a result of a schedule disruption, so when I say scream, imagine something from a horror movie. Go ahead, it's ok, sometimes I feel like I'm in one when he starts screaming. It usually takes him an hour of wallowing to be fully awake and to wake me enough to actually feel like moving. Remember, I've only been sleeping good for an hour. By this time, he has begun to disturb his sister too.

It isn't for lack of trying that our kids still sleep with us. Our daughter was what the pediatrician called a happy barfer. This basically meant that she threw up constantly as an infant despite being quite healthy. For this reason, we allowed her to co-sleep from the first night home. I must also mention she was Houdini and could escape the best swaddling blanket or wrap. She also had the startling reflex from you know where! It woke her up every time, and there was no way to soothe her without cuddling her close. By the time she was 2 weeks old, I was so exhausted from first-time motherhood, breastfeeding, and her sleeping issues that I gave up trying to get her to sleep independently. The dog was promptly kicked out of the bedroom (and later out of the house), and our daughter has been a permanent fixture in his stead. She sleeps like a log, so most of the time it is not an issue, except now she has her own bedroom fit for a princess. Now that we have two kids in the bed - though my son always starts the night in his own - sound sleep is a rare thing.

Once my son has woken both my daughter and me, we drag ourselves out of bed for the typical morning rituals - bathroom, coffee (for me), and breakfast. After breakfast, our routine differs slightly from your average morning. My daughter has a learning center in our dining room. This center has a pocket calendar, American flag, weather frog, ABC cards, and laminated map of the USA. We sing the months of the year, days of the week, count up to the day of the month, say the whole date, sing a song about the flag, say the Pledge of Allegiance, then we dress the frog. The first time we did this, my daughter was shocked. I told her we were going outside (we were still in PJs and barefoot). She told me we couldn't go outside without shoes. I proved otherwise! So, each morning we stand on our porch barefoot and assess the weather - is the sun shining or are there clouds? is it hot/cold/cool/warm? is the wind blowing? is it raining/snowing? We then run back inside (it is January after all) and dress the frog accordingly and put weather terms on a placard. After that we sing the ABCs very slowly focusing on correct enunciation of the letter names. The final part of our after-breakfast routine is pointing out our state on the map.

Now that we have this process complete, we head to the kitchen and wash the few breakfast dishes. Since this only takes 5 minutes, I don't feel too bad about keeping my son in his high chair. My daughter is usually 2 rooms away in the living room reading to herself from her favorite books. Once I am done with the dishes I take my son to the living room and we all read, dance, sing, and play until nap time. Nap time is one of those things my kids seem to think is optional, and most days they choose to forgo the whole thing. I do not like those days! After nap time it isn't long til "dahyee" is calling to say he is heading home and to see if we need anything while he is out. It is now 3:30pm.

I do have a part-time job. I work for an online tutoring company helping students from kindergarten to college with both English and Math. While this job allows me the opportunity to earn a meager income to help with the extras while being a SAHM as well as keep my teaching skills sharp (yes, I have 2 college degrees to that effect), it is not as easy as it seems. If I had not completed most of my graduate work online, because that is the only way a LIB SCI degree is offered, I would not have attempted such an undertaking. It is very difficult to have a computer between you and not be able to use body language to help convey an idea. Many times the students leave bad comments, and that can make my whole day seem horrible. I would like to be able to work more, but that seems an impossible undertaking until my kids are a year or two older and will sleep more soundly (and hopefully in their own rooms). I currently only manage 2-3 hours four nights a week.

Once my hours for the night are complete, it is time for dinner. If I haven't had the chance to put something in the crock pot to cook away all day, we put forth a family effort to get dinner on the table in a reasonable amount of time. My son has suddenly decided he is going to be a pickier eater, whereas a few months ago he would eat quite literally any food item you put in front of him...including meat baby food! My daughter has always been a pickier eater because of a strong gag reflex and aversion to certain textures. After dinner we head home - I forgot to mention we eat with my parents and brother most every night because we all cook together. We are trying to do much better in this arena and get home at a decent hour. This week is a trial run. Previously we dragged home around 10pm and still had to get the kids settled down and in bed. This meant the kids weren't going to sleep until close to midnight some nights, nevermind what time I finally got to come to bed.

If you haven't noticed, housework is conspicuously absent from my description of the daily goings-on at my house. That is because most days I prefer to wait until everyone else is otherwise occupied (typically sleeping) before I attempt to get anything more than dishes or a load of laundry done. It is after the kids and husband are asleep that I finally have some time by myself, to clean, or to take a shower. This is the time when I prepare coffee for the next day, read my Bible (using E-Word Today's Chronological reading plan for KJV), read a novel for my book/movie club Read 'em and WEEP (We Enjoy Every Page), or crochet (see my other blog http://www.anadventurouslifeathome.blogspot.com/). This means that if I get carried away, I might not make it to bed until 3am...and it all starts over at 5:15.

We are trying to get everything on a schedule that ends much earlier, and so far it is working! We have been making a point to be home from wherever we are by 8pm, which means the kids are usually asleep by 9:30. Of course, I tell a story, read a story, and then sing several songs, but this allows the husband and I to have a little time to sit and talk to each other before he goes to bed, and I can get in bed much earlier than 3am. When I say I tell a story, I tell my daughter a story about her: "Once upon a time there was a little girl named (full name) who lived with her mommy (name), her daddy (name), and her little brother (name) in a gray house at (full address including zip code). Her telephone number was (10 digit number), and she was born on (month, day, year). One of (girl's) favorite stories of all time was..." and then I tell her an abbreviated version of one of her favorite stories. This helped her to learn her address and phone number in about a week! Most nights we also read a story from a fairy tale treasury. Then I have to sing her "summer songs" or "Rudolph songs." Her summer songs are: Hush Little Baby, Rock A Bye Baby, Brahm's Lullaby, and the Riddle. Her Rudolph songs are Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Holly Jolly Christmas, First Noel, It Came Upon a Midnight Clear, Silent Night, The Christmas Song, and I'll Be Home for Christmas. Sometimes we add in Jesus Loves Me, Oh How I Love Jesus, and Jesus Loves the Little Children. On particulary rough nights I also look up the lyrics to and sing Scarborough Fair (thank you Wikipedia and smart phones, you are lifesavers).

So that, in a rather large nutshell, is what I do all in a day's work.